Never forget the NHL's six roots where owned by four people. The soul crushing oppression (wage slavery at its worst) of ownership carried on into the modern era. Harold Ballard epitomised cruel and unusual ownership. He let his ego and need for attention destroy a great franchise and eliminate any hope of winning a cup. My Evidence is the Lanny Mcdonald trade. The proud Maple Leafs have never recovered and are now mired in a swamp of stupid contracts.
I grew up in Ontario. My grandfather worshipped the leaf. My father and uncle where both minor leaguers who might have made the show. I have a real affinity with Eddie Shack, the first PK Subban. I was always a Montreal Canadians fan. I have no explanation as to why a five year old living in a leaf hotbed would choose Les Glouix. I always say its one of the proofs that I am a genius.
If my team was struggling I would jump on the leaf bus. Today that bus is so corporate and filled with putrid ponificators on the petty media monopoly payroll that I am sick of the MAN who owns the leaf, and spends all his time like Pinky and the Brain trying to convince the world they have a plan other than marketing. The leaf are now the Kanye West of hockey. Like him the fans today only get pleasure from riding the big famous ass. Its an insult to our intelligence for the suits to push the leaf. Has anyone ever explained geography and economics to these mental midgets? Toronto is not now and never will be Canada. In recent history Montreal was the center. The language war wiped out Montreal, a sad chapter in Canadian history. Yet Montreal per capita remains the most vibrant place in Canada if not the world. Never bet against vibrant.
At this point in my diatribe the FAN 590 leaf dick kissing monologue has finished and I am powered by itunes, the pouges devil in the chair to be specific.
The hot story of the day is Las Vegas
where the cheerleaders will be strippers
and along with your beer you
get a blowjob and an handfull of chits
believe me now
and I will tell
you later
this kind of entertainment will sell
now on the ice all the nineteen year old virgins
and high first round draft picks
will work for free
just like T Vanek
they bet their
skilled future beyond belief
on a machine
made by wally
who was not even
a union member.
I predict within one year
of establishment
LA will win the cup
every free agent
seeking a profitable
divorce at 27
will be playing
that way
the ex wifes
will all say
when I married him
it was like roulette
dont call me a puck bunny
show some respect
Its like I am the real one
in Officer and a Gentlemen
and it proves
Richard Gere is not gay.
Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Whats wrong on the ice
that is in your face
is that the reffering stinks
like a skunk
that you have not only run over
but on the backlash
and due to the poor design
of your vehicle sticks to your
trunk like collen campbell
sitting in the chair
of Judge Dreed
but working for
the NHL
So what can we do
well we can crowdsoucrs
to eagles of statistics
The NHL after several decades of
brain dead play
following the code
like terrorists follow
Islam
has discovered
possession
something every
pee wee coach
always shouted.
I hate to diverge
from an original thought
but when I do
I know for certain
I have at least
six thousand years
of history to back me up
Yep I was not the first
to think of that.
What I am talking about
is the care and grooming of
athletes as universal soldiers
they can sell shit
non stop if
they hit our pre programmed
likability
Take Johathan Bernier
a superstar in the heart of
the leaf profit volcano
This athlete cum profit multiplier
was supplied to the basketball division
full of blacks
to give a white face
for Nelson Mandela
It was a fail so
massive that had he
been connected to the
power grid
it would have left us
all in the dark
for at least
24 hours.
What I know
and what you
see is that
we are living
a life dictated
in a democracy
and how can
that oxymoron
succeed.
Bet on breaking eggs
because this land
and the natives
all lived off it
did not need
peaches from Uragy
to survive.
Now I should admit I fucked up
a little bit
I gave you the back story
before the plot
or is this just my
super advanced understanding
of which I am seeking fans
I do not want to be personal
I process the world at a rate
that makes me old
but has kept me young
for the same reasons
If you hear this call
come and commet
and we will rule
the world while at
the same time
we get very very very high.
Some malachick chick
just hit me with a
rhythm stick
and she axed
me confidentially
could you please explain
to me
what is hopping
in the NHL today.
What happened next
well I said she had
nice tits
and she slapped me
hard being a Kontitsnyon sister
and then we got down to the point
which was always
in my opinion
using all my skills
to win the Stanley Cup
Skeptic may disagree
and they are all gods
in my world because
they pick apart my
world and send it
back to me for improvement
or some kind of public execution.
Public executions are very rare
this days
Unless your a punk band of terrorist
who have not been signed
to a label and your
hoping for U TUBE TIME legit
Now when it comes to controlling
an NHL team
we have few singhposts
doom and gloom
and surprising dives
they have all lead to
Stanley Cups
and insured the South Survives
am I saying there was some
kind of southern strategy
to take people to place
with artificial ice
who had ice cubes
in the fridge
well
maybe
can you tell curling from hockey
and which one do you
agree
is more exciting
this was the southern stragety
to capture all the old farts
from Canada
but what the masters of the universe
did not realise
and did not recommend
that a people fleeing from
the ice age
would not flock to a theme park
built upon glaciers.
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